my calcutta

i used to say i'd have a dog named "chachi"...


when asked about her work (and how to get there), mother teresa has been heard to say, "GET YOUR OWN CALCUTTA."  i have found mine.  if only i actually lived there.

it was a lovely drive, heading for kanab canyon.  the weather was great, and i was alone, and i'd forgotten music... so it was quiet.  i love driving alone.  and driving alone far.  i got into kanab late and slept (though, not well on someone's hard-as-rocks pillows and too much excitement for the next two days brimming inside of me).

forrest.  returned by clueless owners.

tru.

driving up angel's canyon super early the next morning was more emotional than i'd anticipated.  and i cried.  i cried driving around trying to find the welcome center in the canyon.  and i tried not to cry, because i knew i'd be walking into a room full of strangers for my orientation.  it was overwhelming to just be there.  in all that beauty.  and i missed my dog.
i worked with the puppies first.  a group of us volunteers fed the puppies and scrubbed out pens and washed windows and walked puppies all morning.  we helped with the socialization of a malumute who had been rescued with his 10 siblings out of a backyard breeding situation.  there were puppy mill puppies and puppies who had been adopted, but then brought back (because they were acting like puppies) and more stories that i didn't hear or listen to. 

best friends provides (not free) an all-you-can-eat vegetarian lunch for a song.  i sat on the deck and ate my lunch staring at the beautiful canyon views (and mule deer and bunnies).

i worked with the horses in the afternoon.  i scooped a ton of poop and got to walk Tru, who at 30 is the second oldest horse at the sanctuary, but the animal who has been there the longest.  it was nice to walk a horse.  i don't know his story-- nor the others' stories.  i can tell you, there is nothing like opening a gate to the horses field (to pick up said poop) and to look up and see four horses galloping at you at top speed.  what a greeting!  very much the same feeling as being bum-rushed by moab after being away for awhile.



I GOT TO MEET COWBOY!!

i loved working with the horses and was bummed i wouldn't get another chance to do so...  i loved their spirit and energy.  they are so imposing and intimidating and so MAGICAL. 





curly sue.  recessive genes gave her a coat like a cheasapeake bay retriever. no tail. no mane. sweet as the day is long.



slurpee.  a pill. saucy. beautiful.



judge, my stellar passenger.

the last day i worked with dogs.  first in one area, then another. i walked a million and fed and groomed and worried with the vet and caregivers.  i got to play ball with a pitbull--so fun, like old times.  i took judge on a ride because he's not much of a walker.  he made a great driving companion! 

too bright for wayne-- ADOPT ME!!

i was wiped out at the end of the day.  i love that feeling of exhaustion you get from manual labor.  and i loved sleeping in the desert.  incredibly quiet!!





disney built this little "barn" for "the appledumplin' gang."  they keep it well maintained. the horses enjoy it's shade.

i'm

struggling with words--not wanting to sound cheesy, so i'm going to give up.  i felt exceptionally blessed to be there--i can't wait to go back.  i will serve these animals with all these wonderful people as often and in any way that i can until i can't anymore.

i have a friend who knows me

isn't he beautiful?  i don't want to know what happened to him-- why his back hurts-- no thanks. it will just make me sad and sleepless. i'm hoping i don't hear any stories. at all.  but look what i got for my birthday!  someone who knows me very well sponsored this guy in my name.  his name is COWBOY.  he's lovely.  i'm  hoping i will get to meet him soon.

put a fork in me

on april 24, last year, moab got his cancer diagnosis.  this started off my 40th year.  this year has been, for the most part, a big pile of shit. i recognize and realize there have been many happy, even blissful, moments to be grateful for-- and grateful i have been.  as moab lay dying, i wrote continuously of the things i was grateful for.  but let me tell you: i'm happy this year is nearly over.

i've lost a most-beloved dog, a fabulous (and my only) grandma, and several women i had mistaken for friends.   i'm perfectly content with the "friends" being gone, but dearly miss the other two. 

last year on my birthday i wrote in my journal:  "i find mark to be a very disappointing partner on 'important days.' like my birthday.  like my 40th birthday.  quite frankly, i'd happily bash his fucking head in for being such a thoughtless asshole."  i'm hoping this year there are no repeats.

life does continue to speed along at a ridiculous rate.  i'm not one of those people who feel like 40 is awesome! i never want to be 20 (or 30) again!  however, i'm done with this year.

good riddance, 40--  you have really sucked.  (onward and upward!)

movie

i watched life of pi the other night.  i'm not sure why i got it, and when it arrived it just sat there-- mostly because i was always too tired at night to tackle a movie and partly because i had this insane thought that the girls might like it.

i've never read the book.  and i decided i couldn't wait another day to watch it, because that was another day i had to wait to see this is 40 with paul rudd.
i know life of pi is supposed to be good-- a book and movie.  my mom raved about it and found it very beautiful and to have a great message and something about the end having some deep meaning.  i fell asleep near the end and was too tired to follow most of the story line and analogies. 
all i got out of the movie was lots of ANIMAL DEATH. jeesh.

constant companion

i have started sleeping with moab's ashes.  in my bed.  the closer it gets to summer and i am realizing we are taking him to the beach one last time, i am realizing i cannot let him go.  not an ounce of him.  it makes me cry, this losing him again. 

i've had him on my headboard since i took him from the mantel downstairs however long ago.  chloe walked into my room the other morning-- "mom.  are you sleeping with moab?"  for some reason it touched me that she would make that connection. (our house is such a clusterfuck, having a bottle of maple syrup in the bathtub wouldn't be odd.)
in wild, by cheryl strayed, i had a deep, emotional reaction to her swallowing her mom's ashes.  at first i thought, "bullshit!" and then i tried to do the math... because i could relate (whether she really swallowed them or not).  how do you swallow dust and bones without water?  will you digest the ashes, or will they really become part of you?  should i swallow moab's ashes?... or should i toss a little bit of him off of angel's landing where i will meet up with him some day?  but if i were to swallow the ashes, when i am cremated, we'll still be together.  anyway.  i doubt i'll be swallowing anyone's ashes.  but i totally get it.

made my day

this was on the today show today.  i have watched it a million times today-- in stitches.  one of my new neighbors, 4-year-old hazel is exactly this little girl, just a little older. and i love hazel; she will undoubtedly make many of my days when i actually move.  WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!

poppin lipstick

surely there is penile rejuvenation for dogs?  i'm considering constructing my own little net to keep the boy's bits inside his skin.  poor wasatch is so loose and jangly down there, it is scaring the girls ("mommy, it's hanging out again").  i have to swab his seat in the car after a ride, because that thing swings so low it sweeps back and forth across the seat, and it's just gross.  and wet.  ew.